#SipendagiUjingaMimi: Top 28 Funniest “Sipendi Ujinga Mimi” Jokes That Are Doing Rounds On Whatsapp!

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ujinga-sipendangi via sophlix.com
ujinga-sipendangi via sophlix.com
Sipendi Ujinga Mimi ~ Jimmy Gait

If you are an active social media user, you might have come across at least one of these 28 funny ‘Siendi ujinga mimi’ kind of jokes;

1. Willy Paul tried playing with our own minds;

“Leo tumeambia mtoto wetu aombee achakula akaanza, *”Mungu baba Mwenyezireh”*…Imebidi maombi isimamishwe kwanza akulwe mishipi ya matako na mzae??…Willy Paul hatutaki ujinga ???????”

2. Our high school Mathematics teacher shouldn’t know any better;

“I met with my Maths teacher yesterday. We greeted and he asked for directions to Equity Bank, I told him to make a 360 turn and walk for like 1.8meters, then find the coefficient of X using Pythagoras theorem and round it up to the nearest tens. He’ll will see a big pharmacy which is perpendicular to his right, then make an obtuse angle turn, he’ll will see the bank at a distance of about the logarithm of 7 and using four figure table to the Anti- log. Let him feel what I felt when I was in school…. I think he should be lost by now. Sipendi ujinga Mimi.”

3. And #teammafisi just know the answers for the right questions;

” I was fired from an Mpesa shop coz I kept asking the customers “nguo ama?” everytime they asked “naeza toa?” ? ? ? Sipendi ujinga mimi”

4.What happens at the end of the month;

“Wengine wakipata salary wengine wanapata periods. Kumbe end month haipendagi ujinga kweli ??????? ?????”

5. When we no longer need drivers lool;

” Nimetoka kukata tikiti apo Kangaroo shuttle wakaniambia  kuna seat moja imebaki, Mi kuangalia vizuri nikaona hakuna nafasi but kuangalia mbele nkachecky seat ya dere haina mtu!!..Sai tuko almost Nakuru dere alibaki..Mi sipendi ujinga.??”

6. And the ‘Cheget’ also came up;

“I was at the pharmacy this morning  when a Drunkard entered the shop and shouted, “give me a Condom”.. Pharmacist at the counter asked him,”Cant you use a decent language??? The Drunkard Kibet quickly unzipped his trousers and placed his Penis on the counter and asked…….”Uko na Cheget ya hii changili? ” Kumbe wakale hawapendi ujinga Pia??????”

7. Even ‘Baba Rao’ couldn’t have solved this cheeky riddle;

Teacher: kitendawili?
Mimi: Tega
Teacher: Nyumba yangu haina Mlango
Mimi: Ita fundi

Stakangi ujinga mimi ????

8. Why we wet our beds;

1. Unaota uko na gold unaamka huna……
2. Unaota umeenda majuu unaamka uko kwa kitanda…………
3. Jaribu kuota unakojoa ndo utajua usingizi haipendi ujinga…????????????

9. The fail-proof method to turn your crush into you girlfriend;

“Sa juzi nimecall crush wa me, kiboy kikapick na kikaanza kuniuliza maswali ati we ni nani, mbona unacall dame yangu, me nikamjibu ‘naitwa Kimani doctor yake mwenye simu, aliniambia niwe namcall kumkumbusha akunywe A.R.V zake, mazishi ya huyo boy ni sato, sipendi ujinga mimi????????????????”

 10. They always say ‘Tit for Tat is a fair game’ don’t they?

“Juzi neighbor yangu alikuja akaniambia nipunguze sauti ya radio anataka kulala. Leo akipika chapoo na mimi nkamwambia apunguze harufu ya chapati nataka kula ugali. Saa hii tuko kwa landlord tunaongea hio maneno. Ju sipendi ujinga. ? ? ?”

11. Students will be motivated by Chris Brown this weekend;

“Kuna mzazi mahali ameanza kuamini Ati Chris Brown ni motivational speaker, Enyewe Wanafunzi hawapendi ujinga ?”

12. The guy who likes to see people follow in his footsteps;

“Jamaa kaingia kwenye restaurant kwa fujo
JAMAA: Nipe soda moja na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapokunywa soda napenda kila mtu anywe
WATU: Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
JAMAA:  Nipe mchemsho na kila mtu mpe wa kwake maana ninapokula mchemsho napenda kila mtu ale wake
WATU: Watu weweeee!
Tena safari hii Na makofi juu..
JAMAA: Mhudumu, nipe bili na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapolipa bili napenda kuona kila mtu analipa yake. Enyewe huyu jamaa hapendi ujinga??????? ”

13. Terrorism and mathematics share one thing in common;

“AL_SHABAAB
AL_QAEDA
Hata kwenye Mathematics kuna kikundi cha kigaidi AL_GEBRA na ndo sababu ya mimi Kuchukia Hesabu Sipendagi Ugaidi mimi?????”

14. This is to the cute girls who like toying with guys’ feelings;

“Ushawahi katia dem hadi akakucall kukuambia ati uende kwao juu hakuna mtu? Alafu unafika kwao unapata pia yeye hayuko… Enyewe madem hawapendi ujinga ?????”

 15. I love my wife, she helped me cheat on her

“Nilienda kununulia wife bra, nikasahau exact size. Sales girl akanisho ”shika boobs zangu ulinganishe” Imebidi nimshow ”nimetumwa hadi panti”. ”

16. So police officers hate jokes?

“Jana nimeonja bangi kidogo ikanishw niende police niripoti kuna bank imeibiwa. si wakaniuliza bank gani, nikawaambia power bank yangu..saa hii nasuguliwa mgongo Na kaluma ? kumbe ata polisi huwa hawapendi ujinga.??.”

17. Front and rear number plates MUST always say the same thing;

“Sasa polisi anatusimamisha eti juu number plate ya nyuma na ya mbele haifanani, alafu beshteangu anamuuliza kama uso yake na matako inafanana…….mi imebidi nicheke sai tuko central ndo napatiana simu, so nitakua mteja kiasi. ??????”

18. The school you study in matters too bro;

“Alafu Kuna mtu alisoma Tsavo Primary School,, akajoin Serengeti High School ,,, alafu amejoin Maasai  Mara University….. My friend kwani we ni wilderbeest ??????…………..ama hupendi ujinga???…ni kuuliza tu??”

19. And this whatsapp conversation was just one of the best this year;

Him: Babe are you ok??❤?
Her: I’m Pregnant ?
Him: What? But we used protection ?
Her: Did I say its yours?? ?? madem hawapendi ujinga

20. When death finally makes you successful;

“Nmekuwa hosi accident imetokea na hosi imekuwa busy sana,12 died. governor amekam na akapromise to offer 1m to the injured and 6 million to the dead for their funeral. sasa One of the injured got up and laid where the dead were; one of the dead shouted, “bro go back to your place, don’t bring confusion here, they have counted us already…. ????  MAITI PIA HAWAPENDI UJINGA”

21. My friend ‘murdered’ me for over-renting his bicycle;

“I borrowed a bike from one of my Luhya friends..after 30minets the guy texted me ‘RIP’!! I was like, dude I’m not dead!! He then replied “namaanisha Rutisha Iyo Paik!!” Sai ako level 1. Ujinga ata mimi sipendangi”

22. The worst thing you can do to your exgirlfriend;

“Ex wangu amenicall kuitisha earphones zake.. nmempelekea earphones nkachukua simu yangu..nmemwacha akiziconnect  kwa radio. ???? Hata mimi nmerealise sipendangi ujinga.”

23. When you hate someone who is hilarious;

“Alafu Kuna msee amenichekesha kwa whatsapp group ingine but tulikosana na
staki aone ako funny so nimekuja kuchekea huku, ?????? juu Mimi sipendi ujinga”

24.  I don’t understand what you are saying;

“I have done all the shameful shit in my life but at least sijaipost hio post ya ‘sipendi ujinga’. Ju enyewe kusema ukweli sipendi ujinga ata kidogo??”

25. As Trending Post we wanted to know how this ‘Sipendi Ujinga’ trend began;

Hivi ni nani aliyeanzisha iki kimsemo  ”Sipendangi Ujinga”  Maana saa hii imekua kama kamchezo mtu anatuma sms chini anaandika sipendangi ujinga… Sasa nasema hivi atakaye andika sms halafu akaandika hapendi ujinga sms yake sitaisoma. maana sipendagi ujinga mimi.???????????

26. Weirdos in high school;

“Wale wasee walikua wananyimana buckets na mtungi high school hadi mnafungia kwa box na padlock hope mlifunguanga car-wash nazo…?? Hatutaki ujinga”

27. When your shoes cost more than the carpet;

“Leo nimevaa viatu vya 12,000/= naenda kwa mtu ananiambia nizitoe juu ya carpet ya 1,500/ hapo nimeleta shida ikabidi tukunje hio carpet tueke nje. Sipendi ujinga mwisho wa mwezi??????”

28. Epic texting fails;

“Nimetoka inbox kuchat na mtu flani then allover sudden  ananiuliza,” na kwenu kunanyesha?”
Nikamjibu “kwani nimekutumia text iko na matope?” ? ? Imgn mpaka saa hii hajareply????… ama hapendi ujinga?”

Conclusion

Do not spoil the fun… drop your jokes down in the comments section.

you can also check our Facebook & twitter pages:

Twitter: @UjingaSipendi

Facebook: Group – Ujinga Sipendangi

Page – Sipendangi Ujinga Mimi

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1 COMMENT

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